There’s an incredibly good book that does a much more entertaining rant than I ever could about how not to drop your pants amidst the most common blunders of writing. It’s called, aptly enough:

“How Not to Write A Novel.”

Normally I don’t shill things that cost money in the spirit of blogging and free information. However at a whopping fifteen bucks, or free if you dare to find a comfy chair at your local chain store and deftly ignore the smoldering stares of the baristas, this is one of those reads that can hand you your soul back a bit at the end of a long day.

In includes classic writing wisdom like “Revenge is a dish best served in public” and “Oh Mr. Sandman? On Second Thought, Bring Me A Gun!”

Trust me, I mean if you actually do (then the joke’s on you, isn’t it?) you will enjoy every righteous backhand snark this little paperback has to offer the very characters you were just beginning to think weren’t half bad. Well they are, now get over it. And get better!

“Yes, thought Brainiac, stroking his tarantula, Henry IV… now was the time to convince the mayor of his lies…”

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